Garden of Eve

There is an ugly side to the Seattle cannabis movement. There are lawsuits and name calling, and narking and threats. People from other states probably think we lavish each other congratulatory back slaps with the passage of I-502. (That, in addition to smoking the very best weed in the entire universe, of course.) But no. There are egos, agendas, paranoia and bottom lines. A few individuals are hacking their way through the movement, creating discourse and distraction. It’s shocking how ugly this side of a revolution can be. To affect change, you gotta bang on some cages and throw poop at people, I suppose. But is it really necessary? I don’t know – not my monkeys, not my circus. Maybe it’s because they’re all men! Oops, that’s supposed to be a question mark. Sorry. Well, at least I don’t  know  of any  women in the movement  calling each other dirty, pilfering cunts. I could challenge Cat Jeter to a hair pulling contest. Would that help the mov...

My friend of ten years died today. He had liver cancer, was 52 years old, and survived by a confused wife, five kids, and one grandchild. Cannabis did not save his life, because he wouldn’t try it. When he told me last year that he had liver cancer, I immediately told him about Rick Simpson Oil. I begged him … please … I don’t want to lose you.  I have access to highly-potent, tumor-killing medicine from the best medicine growers in Washington. Look at the studies! Let me show you the research! It’s here, it’s affordable, and it’s available right NOW! What have we got to lose?!? “Well, my doctors want me to follow their strict dietary guidelines, and of course chemo and radiation. Just bring me some medicated cookies and we won’t tell anyone.” So that’s what I did for nine months… I watched my dear friend wither away while sneaking him brownies and baked goods, which didn’t seem to be working. Ugh… the frustration and heartache is unbearable. Three weeks ago he aske...

One of the challenges of being a pot farmer is finding labor to help with trimming buds at harvest. You need a good pair of hands, and people who can keep their mouths shut. I had visions of blindfolding people before bringing them into my lair, but opted instead for retired old people who still want to serve a purpose. One such person is Helen, from Redneck, Wyoming, whom I met during a road trip in 2011. She had just finished chemo for breast cancer and was eager to smoke what I had brought into her RV Park that summer. I listened with great enthusiasm about her stories as a Playboy bunny in the 60s, as we sat smoking around her fire pit, her handsome cowboy boyfriend doting over her every need.  We became instant soul sisters and stayed in touch for over two years by phone and email. And then, one day she confided to me that her handsome cowboy boyfriend was caught receiving a blowjob from the neighbor down the street. The neighbor it turned out was a dude. I can only...

I have to vacuum before my mother arrives from Arizona. I’m 40-something years old and I still want her housekeeping approval. While we’re close, and speak on the phone every week, we haven’t seen each other 1:1 for a while. I’m freaking out because I think she’ll have an aneurysm when I tell her how I’ve been paying my bills the past three years. Garden of Eve The time has arrived for me to come out of the Pot Closet to my mother. How did I get here? I was laid off from my event-planning job while dating a “normal-looking” guy, who owned his own landscaping business. “Larry” also happen to own a basement full of marijuana plants for extra spending money (on prostitutes, as it turns out, but that’s a different blog post). He taught me everything I know about being a Pharmer -- from cloning and transplanting, to providing my babies with the proper nutrients and watering techniques.  I learned a lot – about the miraculous cannabis plant, and about the lying, c...